Have you konmari’d your life but your partner is not on board? Are you frustrated because he or she just doesn’t get it? Have you tried to convince him/her to no avail that being surrounded by only the items that spark joy is the way to live? If that’s you, I want you to know that you’re not alone and I personally can relate as I’ve budded heads with my husband not only once when it came to decluttering and organizing things in our household.
First things first: There’s no way you can force or “convince” your partner to lead a KonMari lifestyle like you do. Instead, one finds this way of living of his/her own free will. Marie Kondo emphasizes this in her books and she’s absolutely right.
Thus, in this post, I cover common KonMari conflicts and suggest ways to deal with them.
Scenario 1
Conflict: Your partner’s stuff is invading your space.
Solution: Determine distinctive storage spaces for you and your partner. That is, designate rooms, storage items, drawers or shelves that only house your or your partner’s items. Make sure your partner agrees to that and knows what his/her designated areas are. Everybody can do what he or she wants within those spaces. Make sure you don’t criticize your partner if he or she is messy within his/her boundaries.
Scenario 2
Conflict: But what about the commonly shared spaces/ items, e.g., kitchen utensils?
Solution: Usually, people (who we deem “unorganized” or “messy”) are not bothered by organized spaces. Thus, I suggest you could go about commonly used space as follows (with your partner’s approval of course):
- Declutter (ask your partner before you discard any items if he’s ok with it).
- Organize the KonMari way.
- Do your best with labeling where you stored things (post-its on cupboards, bins and boxes do wonders in the first time after re-organizing) as you don’t want him/her to get frustrated if he/she doesn’t find things anymore.
- Walk your partner through the new organizing system.
- Ask him/her to kindly put back items to their designated homes after usage.
- If he/she doesn’t do the latter, just do it yourself without scolding him/her.
Scenario 3
Conflict: Your partner’s stuff is visually bothering you.
Solution: Try to embrace your partner’s belongings. Think about how they bring him/her joy and be grateful for that. You have to detach your convictions about what organized means from how your partner chooses to live. There’s no better solution to this than to make peace with it.
Scenario 4
Conflict: You nag your partner about “konmari-ing” his life repeatedly resulting in fights.
Solution: Just stop and remember to “be like the sun” at all times. As per Marie Kondo, your partner will follow eventually when he/she experiences the positive impacts this lifestyle has on you (and the people around you who picked up on it already).
Scenario 5
Conflict: Your partner doesn’t share your excitement about KonMari and gets annoyed when you start talking about it.
Solution: Just like above, my advice is to “be like the sun”! Rather than using your partner as an outlet for all things KonMari, go and find yourself a “support group” that is as excited as you are about tidying and living a life that sparks joy (Facebook groups, themed book clubs, minimalist meet-ups/groups, like-minded people in your community, etc.). Find your tribe and you’ll soon discover that conflicts with your partner will decrease!
Have you experienced conflict with your partner/family when it comes to decluttering and organizing in your home? I’m curious and would love to chat with you in the comments below!
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