When you apply the KonMari Method to your home, not a single item remains unchecked. That means you determine if each and every item sparks joy for you. If it doesn’t, it is recommended to let it go. Oftentimes, my clients tend to treat gifts they received differently. Especially unwanted gifts. It’s often a touchy subject and that’s why I want to tackle it here and give you some tips.
The Dilemma
If you “joy check” your gifts and are 100% honest with yourself, you shouldn’t have a problem with determining those gifts you’d rather not have around. That’s quite easy. An item that sparks joy makes you happy and you want to have it around.
Unwanted gifts cause feelings that are the opposite: They don’t make you joyful when you look at them and you’d rather not have them in your home if it were up to you. If it were up to you? Well, isn’t it up to you? The item was gifted to you, so that means it’s in your possession and you can decide whatever you want to do with it.
But you don’t because you’d feel GUILTY if you kicked out your friend’s or relative’s thoughtfully picked out item. Guilt (or rather expected guilt) typically is the prevailing feeling that prevents you from discarding unwanted gifts.
The Real Purpose Of Exchanging Gifts
So let’s break it down further. Why do people gift things to each other? It’s often common in our society to show appreciation towards the other person by way of giving him or her a gift.
Now here’s the important part most people get wrong: The appreciation part is represented in the act of gift giving rather than in the gift itself. The mistake many people make is that they attach the appreciation to the object received. And that’s wrong. The object (the gift) rather represents the means to the appreciation/celebration transfer. It’s a vehicle, no more.
Shift Your Mindset
All of the above should make logical sense. But in order to change your thinking and – most importantly in this context – (subsequent) behavior around gift receiving (and giving), you have to change your mindset.
First of all, accept how your feelings unwanted gifts. How do they make you feel? What are they doing to your energy levels when you’re around them? Chances are your energy levels drop when you have these items in plain sight. That’s why you might choose to hide them in a closet. But let me tell you, that doesn’t change much as you still know it’s there. Out of sight isn’t out of mind. So, first step: Accept how you feel about these objects.
Next, get ready for change and actively choose to feel your best self (which involves choosing the things you surround yourself with consciously) over keeping things out of guilt towards other people.
You can start “practicing” your mindset shift in the way you give gifts. Let the gift receiver know that they can do with the gift whatever they want even if they choose to discard it right away. Be ok with it.
Final step: Get rid of all the unwanted gifts you’ve been keeping. And feel amazing.
Don’t Fear The Gift Giver’s Negative Reaction
This entire topic puts the gift giver in a very prominent position. If it weren’t for the gift giver, you would have fewer second thoughts about getting rid of these particular items. You probably act (or don’t act) out of fear of what this other person might think. But more often than not, you probably don’t even know what this person thinks because you never had a conversation with him/her about it.
So why do you expect this person to be mad at you if you discarded their gift? Approach it from a different angle instead: Do you think that the gift giver wants you to feel bad and have low energy levels every time you look at their gift? Probably not. If they did, I’d question your relationship with him/her.
Do you have a difficult relationship when it comes to letting go of unwanted gifts? Let me know in the comments below.
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